The Real Story
Updated August 28, 1998


August 13, 1998 - the reason I'm writing is because I have a story to tell. Back in may, I placed a very sincere ad sighting exactly what I was looking for in a relationship. After about 30 responses and one personal meeting (which didn't work out), I met my ex-boyfriend. I was very particular about what I wanted in my ad. After 2 1/2 weeks of dating he asked me to be his girlfriend. I accepted because he stated he was searching for the same things. Last week he told me he wasn't happy anymore and walked out on our relationship without trying o work things out. He basically told me that he was not happy anymore and he was leaving. I was left with no alternative or choice in the matter. He's a 30 yr. old man that acted like a 10 yr. old and like a jerk. I feel humiliated because all my closest friend and family met him and we shared a lot of tome together. I feel used and betrayed. I wish people read this letter and can respond to my plight.

June 22, 1998 - I was so hooked on my internet service at first. So many chat rooms, the instant messages, being able to talk to someone so far away sharing my deepest and most personal feelings with. My whole view on the net has now changed drastically. Two years ago I chatted with a guy in a "Southeastern chat room". Being a gal from Southern California, I wanted to hear a "cute" southern accent which isn't common where I I asked a Texan if he would mind if I called him on the phone just for a few minutes so I could hear his voice. He agreed and so I called and we had a short, pleasant conversation on the phone. Several weeks later we would find each other on-line and chat for hours....either online or he'd call me or I'de call him on the phone. We had wonderful conversations. He seemed to be my "Mr. Right" and claimed that I was his "Ms. Right". Our chats online and on the phone continued for about a month, us falling more in love each day (or so I thought) until we no longer could stand the distance. By now our phone bills had reached astronomical levels.

We had sent letters and photos via snail mail and E-mail but we just had to meet in person. He decided he would fly to California to meet he did. We had the most amazing weekend together. He was all I could ever imagine wanting and vice versa. We were so in love. This guy hung the moon for me...I even lost my virginity to him! About a month after he had flown back to Texas he was laid off from work (or so he claimed) and had major finacial troubles. I was going to school and working only part-time so I couldn't really help him......but stupidly, decided I would anyhow. He continued on telling me how he was determined to move to be with me and how he loved me more than the air he breathed....etc. Finally the idiot I was decided I would wire him some money (which I took out of savings and small loans). The money I lent him added up to close to $2,000. By now it had been about three months since we had last seen each other and I was in the hole about two grand, not to mention in major stress from not seeing him and all the problems that arose with my family and friends because of him.

I was so in love and so sure that this guy was sincere with me that I believed every word out of his mouth. He finally told me over the phone that he didn't think "it was going to work". I had lost sleep, cried my eyes out, disobeyed my parents, and was now in financial distress myself and this guy who I thought meant the world to me is telling me "it's not going to work out, we should just end this". I was devastated.

Took me months to get over it. Well, to make a long story even longer, it's been two years and this scum of the earth still owes me the money and because we both live in different states it makes it ridiculously difficult to file a small claim against him. He has pretty much "vanished" and I have been left to learn a great lesson. ! And to think, was all this worth it just to hear some redneck's southern accent! Ugh! Every time I log on to the net I am reminded of how someone can easily fall for guys like this. Please, please be careful and learn from my mistake!

Wild's Reply - Expensive Lessons are the ones we can least afford, but the ones we will remember for the longest time. You may never get your money back - it depends entirely on how far you are willing to go to get it. Maybe it's easier to just decide that for $2,000 - you learned a valuable lesson - and by sharing your story here, you're passing your hard-earned lesson on to others. I commend you for that. Wild

Afer having read your stories etc I really felt I should share this with still hurts but it is starting to become funny.....

I am married, but like most people the magic is I answered a personal ad on the net, and we started corresponding with each other...Our initial emails were, for a long time, friendly in nature and I liked his zany humor...he lives in London, England, and I live in South Africa....please do not change the place names, as they are an integral part of this story.

At on point, after a few months, he confessed to having fallen in love with me, and I thought "why not?" He filled a certain vacuum in my life, and although neither of us had any plans to leave our spouses, we had grown very close and shared many interests. I allowed myself to feel more for him, and before long, we had become almost indispensable to each other..

I had had plans for quite some time to visit some family in France and felt that this would be the right time to see him (if I have to be truthful, he was actually the real reason I had decided to go to Europe: a family visit made me feel less guilty ...) Some time before leaving for Europe (we had already discussed meeting) he had domestic problems (his son had developed a heroin addiction together with everything that entails....) and for a while he became withdrawn and his emails dwindled to only a few a week. I was sure that our relationship had ended, and starting thinking of cancelling my trip. I was very surprised when he started writing often again, asking my forgiveness for his silence, and explaining (to some extent) that times had been hard for him....

I had asked a colleague to accompany me on my trip, and I still remember the day of my departure for London....he and I had arranged to meet in the middle of Waterloo Bridge, on 16 February, at exactly 2 pm....only a few hours after I would have arrived in London. My plane landed that morning, my friend and I dragged ourselves to the place where we were to stay for the next few days before moving on to France, and I set off alone in search for Waterloo Bridge, hoping that I would not be late.... I rushed to get there in time, taking unfamiliar routes by tube, and finally arrived on the bridge at around 2.It was raining slightly and I still remember the traffic rushing by behind me, the river lying many feet below me, and the gulls wheeling around me....the massive bridge in this equally massive, strange city.....

He had mentioned to me, jokingly in his last email ,that he may get cold feet, in which case I was simply to call him on his portable phone....I found this sweet and touching...I kept looking at my watch. I was dizzy from lack of sleep and getting anxious.... hoping I had not missed him. A man approached me from the left side of the bridge, looking very much as he had described himself (I had never seen a photo of him)...the man approached me, looked me straight in the face, and walked past.

Time moved on...every moment feeling like an hour, like a one point I decided to look for a public telephone, and found one quite a way from the bridge itself...I dialled his number, but his voice mail was on....I left a message and rushed back to my place on the bridge, sure he would shortly arrive. He never did.

I sent him quite a few emails from an Internet Cafe nearby where I was staying, incredulous, asking why? why? He had my address in London, my phone number....he answered saying that he was at a hospital at 2 that afternoon, having been there 36 hours already - something to do with his son. I have to this day not received any explanation that made any sense.....

Needless to say it hit me where I live...the rest of my trip went by in a blur of shock, and today, I am still reeling and wondering what I had done wrong...

We were friends before we became closer, we were as close as sister and brother, sharing silly thoughts and laughs and deep feelings....and he is gone.

I send him an email once in a while asking how he is...he responds saying, without fail, that he is fine but snowed under and he PROMISES to write once things ease up...he who once could not even let one night go by without waking up and sending me an email... This experience has turned trust into a dirty word....I am carrying ghosts and shadows around with me that are poisoning me and affecting my ability to believe and trust again...

I walked into this willingly, never thinking people like him could exist...people who are worse than murderers, because although I still live, he has killed hope for me....I now feel that no one out there could/would ever be different....and can only wait for the day to come when the pain will ease up and I will know why....

Wild's Reply - I know there are going to be responses to this letter - I wanted to say just a couple of things. This has been painful for you - the depth of that pain must defy explanation - and it all truly boils down to one little word.. "why". What is sad is that you may never know "why".

Always be sure to get a picture - if, indeed, he was the man who passed you on the bridge - you would have known for sure. Second - what a dangerous risk you took, meeting a total stranger on a bridge.. of course at the time, he was your most intimate friend, your confidante and in a very real sense, your lover. Now, he is truly more of a stranger than you ever thought possible.

Bottom line - we don't really "know" any of these people - anymore than we know anyone we would meet in the real world. You MUST EXERCISE CAUTION. You were lucky - real lucky.. what kind of trusted lover who cares about you would place you in such a position of peril? 2 am on a bridge? Whether or not you ever get trust back - and decide to pursue something like this again - let common sense rule your actions - your heart can't "see".

June 10, 1998 - I too have fallen in "love" on the internet without first meeting the person.

I got online almost 2 years ago and it was just at a time when I was going through some tough times personally. I was only 17 years old and completely fascinated by the internet. I found an online chat room and looked at cyberpal ads and met a friend through an ad that got me hooked on mIRC. Quite literally the first day that I was chatting I met a guy who seemed really cool. We chatted for a long time and then we left. I tried to email him but I somehow messed up the address and it never got to him. Well by chance a month later I found him again one night when I was chatting and from that day our friendship just blossomed.

I considered him my best friend and I told him everything. Soon we were making plans to meet online and chat and then that grew into plans to call. Then one night when we were chatting he just said "I love you" without any warning. I was like, yeah ok, whatever. I didn't think too much of it. Then a few weeks later I realized that I did love him too. After that we were constantly online chatting and talking on the phone. We made plans to meet in Florida since I would be visiting there anyways and he already lived there. We met for a wonderful weekend, what I thought was the best weekend of my entire life. He was everything that he had always said he was, he had never lied to me about anything. When we met, we picked up the intensity that we had shared for the months before we met in person. I knew that I really loved him and that I was going to do whatever it took to keep us together. Unfortunately I ended up having sex with him (my first time). I don't know if I thought it would keep us together or if it was more pressure put on myself to not be a virgin when I went away to college. I thought at the time that it was the right thing to do, but now I know that I shouldn't have.

Anyway, leaving him that last day was the hardest thing that I have ever done. I guess I knew deep down that I would never see him again. We both decided that we were going to give long distance romance a try and we had plans to see each other that winter in California where I live.

Less than 2 weeks later, after I had finally told my mom what was up, he wrote me a good bye email. It really hurt. He said that he needed someone there close to home. I considered giving up so much for him, including my education at my dream college, and now I thank God that I didn't. We tried to be friends, but we couldn't do it, and it was mostly my fault. All I could think about was what I did wrong and how I could change it so that we could go back to how it was before. I have not spoken to him in a few months and I am finally over him.

I do not really chat anymore and I only go on to talk to people that I already know.

Wild's Reply - Is there really so much pressure to not be a virgin in college? Somehow ( naive mode on ) I just can't believe it's still like that ( naive mode off ). However, that notwithstanding, I have to maintain (and expect to get flamed) that Real Love is Not Possible Without Ever Having Met In Real Life!. People who truly love you will encourage you and support you. Giving up your education for someone you hardly know? Does it seem absurd to you now in retrospect? Don't kick yourself too hard for the sex. It seems that your attitude was that it was going to happen sooner or later anyhow, might as well get it out of the way. I don't know why the beauty and intimacy of human physical inter-relations has been so discounted as to something that should be gotten out of the way, like a root canal almost, but it has. Don't ever lose yourself or the things you value because you think it's what someone else wants. Always do for yourself. Someone who truly loves you, would never ask that of you. Wild.

June 19, 1998 - Hi, I saw that you have posted my story on your page, and I completely agree with your comments on it. The pressure to have sex was something that I placed on myself, and I do not know if others expreience that kind of pressure. Not a day goes by that I don't think about and regret what happened to me. I always wonder what would have happened if I had never gotten on line, never chatted, etc., but I can't go on through life thinking "what if" all the time.

I am moving on, having learned my lesson the hard way. I have met one other person from the net in real life and we are successfully friends now. We see each other every few months and we talk almost daily. I truly consider him to be one of my best friends in the entire world and I only considered him that after meeting him in real life. I cannot imagine my life without him and because of that I see that the net can offer some very good things as well as the bad stuff.

Thank you for your comments and posting my story on your site. I love your page and I wish that I had found it before I went to meet the guy in Florida. I am working on my own online journal site and when I get a links page up, I plan to add you to it. Thank you for everything and keep up the great work on your page!

Wild's Reply - Try not to be too hard on yourself. We ALL make mistakes. In some cases, we have to ask ourself if the price we paid was worth the experience we gained. In most cases, I have to say that yeah, it was. High as it was it was well worth the price to know what I know. I hope you won't allow yourself to dwell on it. Wild


Here's my story, from the other side of the fence. I'm a married woman, who uses chat rooms along with her husband. At first, my husband & I used them to talk to each other, since he worked opposite hours than me. I also used it to keep in touch with my relatives in order to save a little money on a large phone bill.

Then a few months ago, my view of chat totally changed. My husband began acting distant. I finally confronted him and he revealed he was "in love" with someone else and didn't want to be married anymore. This person he was in love with he talked to in a chat room, then started talking to on the phone, buying phone cards to hide the fact he was calling long distance. She told him everything he wanted to hear, was interested in everything he was interested in, and filled his head with bad thoughts about me. Within 2 weeks, he was so caught up in this situation, he actually believed everything she said. She sent him pictures, which turned out to be 13 years old, sent him love letters and gifts.

When he told me this, my whole body went into shock. I couldn't believe I was losing my husband over someone he had never even met. I was so determined to show him she was a fake, I searched for her with only bits of information I could get from him. I successfully found a current picture of her, where she was quite a bit larger than the picture she had sent him.

I decided that him having "cyber sex" and "phone sex" with this woman wasn't that bad. I decided I could live with the fact that he was just lonely working nights and needed someone to talk to.

A few weeks after the first bad news, he delivered a second set of truths. A phone bill came in which revealed that he had ANOTHER woman he had been talking to before this woman. The woman lived in the same state, but far enough way to be a long distance charge. A few days later he told me that he had MET this woman, held hands with her, walked in a park with her, went back to her house, kissed her and felt her breast. I found a current picture of her too, where again, she is quite a bit larger. Her size didn't stop him from kissing or touching her though, since he was so wrapped up in the fantasy. He told me that after he had met her, he felt so guilty by what happened, that he never talked to her again.

But, he did go back out on the internet and find this second woman, the one who convinced him that he should give up on our marriage because I'm such a mean wife for not having the same hobbies he has.

At this point after the third revelation, I went totally bezerk, actually missing work because I was so hysterical. We went to several counselors seeking help on how to save our marriage.

It's been a couple of months now, and I'm still waiting for the next bomb to drop. How can I trust that he has told me the whole truth? How can I trust him to use the internet again? He says he has learned his lesson. He says he feels stronger and more deeply in love with me than ever before. I just don't know how to forgive him for what he has done.

Any suggestions?

Wild's Reply - This breaks my heart. It's something we've all heard about, we all "know" happens, but your courageous story brings to the forefront, that it happens to real people, and the consequences are devastating to so many. I wish there was an easy answer, I don't know how ANYONE could tell someone that he wasn't happy in a marriage and he should leave. The obvious just doesn't seem to enter his mind.. that if "she" can have this effect on him, "she" has likely done this to others. For what purpose? To what end? It seems there are no shortage of women who use the internet as a source of "employment". They seem to circulate through chat rooms, collecting people, both men and women, as a source of gaining income. Whether it be a convincing hard luck story, or the request for a loan. I hope others will write with some useful advice, and that the counselling has helped. Wild!

May 12, 1998
It's Over...

My husband and I live in the state of Wa. In April of this year I found e-mails from a woman in Md. mailed to my husband. (He had printed them out) asking him if he still loved her, and was he still holding her tight and kissing her in his dreams. I also found e-mails to her from him, calling her honey and saying how much he loved her.

In one of the e-mails to her he said he enjoyed talking to her on the phone and said he had meant what he told her he wanted to do to her. I cannot repeat what he said because of the filth content. When I approched him about this he denied that there was phone contact. According to him it was just innocent fun. Well, there was phone contact and I have been in touch with her.

For 19 years I have stood by and watched my husband be unfaithful to me. (he has a son by another woman who is 17). This is the end of our marriage. I can no longer sleep with a man who wants his mouth in another womans crotch. He see's nothing wrong in what he's doing and told me I could do the same. That to me is not love.

He had this woman in Md. believing everything he told her, even though she knew he was married. I told her my husband has been doing these things since he bought his first computer and went on line, plus he's very heavy into porn. I have no faith or trust in him nor will I ever have.

He always says he's sorry and that he loves me, and within a couple days hes e-mailing someone else, either from home or from his work. There is nothing innocent about what he has done, he destroyed 19 years of marriage. Trying to cope in Wa. state.

Wild's Reply - I know this is painful for you.. he did it again. After he promised he wouldn't. As much as I hate to say this, the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. It sounds as if this pattern of betrayal has gone on for so long now... Get strong - love yourself more than to accept this kind of treatment. People who love you, LOVE YOU. Trust is earned and when it's gone, those who lost it are at less than zero. Don't enable anyone to treat you badly. I'm so sorry you're in pain.

Copyright 1998 Wildxangel - All Rights Reserved