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FOREIGN AFFAIRS A LA THE INTERNET, A READER OFFERS HIS UNIQUE INSIGHTS

Great site, probably a little heavy on disasters vs happy endings, but maybe thats net dating reality.

I guess you could sum it all up with the thought that many people have baggage. The net gives them a place to hide it but sooner or later it surfaces. Hope I'm not too far into that category. Anyway just wanted to add my two cents worth about foriegn affairs. Under no circumstances am I saying that cross border relationships won't/don't work. On the contrary I think mixed relationships can be very fulfilling because of the different backgrounds, but they will always be harder work. The larger the culture difference the harder the work.

As a younger bloke I went looking for a bride in the Philippines. I'm upfront enough to say that I was driven by insecurities more than I was driven by wanting the particular attributes that asians bring e.g. closeness of family, & I was unprepared for the baggage that growing up in poor country (relative to a developed country) causes. Time & tide work their way and I'm divorced and wiser for the experience.

For men thinking of taking on a foriegn bride, you need to be sure what your own drives are. If you can't relate to women in your own country, what makes you think you'll do better with a foriegner??? Remember the first law of travel "When you travel you always take yourself with you!" The airline may lose your baggage but it'll catch up with you. You still have to relate to a woman. You will sooner or later realise that you've made the job harder because of cultural differences.

I spent about a year all up living in the Philippines so had a good chance to check out the prospective grooms that poor endlessly into the country. We were basically a bunch of losers, sad but true, often broken of heart & spirit. But all long on hope. The women. mmm. Some were looking for good men most were just looking to get out of the country.

For those interested in a foriegn bride you'd best find out which of these two groups your prospective falls into. Ask what she thinks life will be like abroad. If she says she doesn't know or has no idea then proceed. if she says that it'll be really fantastic, give her a wide berth. Why ? well mostly because you will find it hard to live up to her expectations. You don't need the extra hassle that it will create. Remember her view of you may be due to you fronting up with large amounts of money, due to the favourable exchange rate rather than the fact that you own a mint. If she thinks your loaded it's going to be a shock when she finds out you live in a caravan.

Try to find out if she has any hobbies or interests you relate to. That may sound like the same as courting women in your own country, and it is! For the same reasons, you'll need to talk and spend time together, you'll need something to talk about and do together!!!

Is she the oldest or youngest in the family? If she is the oldest, expect her to be sending money home to support the younger ones through school. Now do you think it might be a good idea to check out how employable she'll be in your country? If she has no skills then money sent home will be from YOUR pocket. You may have a problem with this. Better talk about. Early.

Keep in mind that a foriegn bride will relate to you in the same way she culturally relates to men in her own country. Check out the locals on this score. If the men have reputations for playing around she probably will be insecure and jealous, not her fault, she grew up with it.

Some third world countries are very conservative. In some places in the Phillipines it was considered as good as being engaged if you bedded a girl. In the provinces just visiting the parents and meeting the father could be considered similarly. Remember, you are an ambassador for your country, the locals won't understand if you stuff up due to lack of savvy about local customs. Try to leave a good impression. I don't really have an axe to grind here. I avoided many of the pitfalls but my ex and I had too much baggage. For those who want to pursue this avenue I wish you well, please go forward as well prepared as you can.

At the time I was looking to meet a Philippino wife (13yrs ago)I didn't consider my self a loser, but in retrospect I was certianly in that group. Don't believe that just having money makes someone a winner, You can be rich and be just as stuffed up as someone who is broke.

Keep in mind that women from third world countries are likely to be very emotionally tough, they are not weak, they need to be tough just to survive in those conditions. It is very likely that they will be stronger than you.

When all is said and done the failure rate of Philippino/Australian marriages was about 85% in 1986. It may have improved marginally since as the governments on both sides don't like this situation. Don't for one moment think that the situation will be different in your country. Try ringing the local embassy or your immigration dept. Someone there will have the figures.

Keep your eyes open in a foriegn land. I saw rip offs and abuse by both sides that make the worst stories about internet dating, on this site, pale into insignificance by comparison.

Thoughts on the net. Well it's a bit like all the porn sites, so much promise but when you get there is it really what you wanted. The Net has the capability to put you in touch with many people most of whom would not have come into your life otherwise. I don't see that the net itself is to blame for all the disasters we read about. Perhaps these people were disasters looking for a place to happen, the net just makes it faster and easier. Ultimately we must all be responsible for our own actions.

I try to view it as a way for people like myself to meet other like minded people (yes, still long on hope!) The local governemt area I live in has a population of 20,000 max. If you have esoteric interests (like me, spiritual, metaphysics, human counsciousness, telepathy, esp etc.) then your chances of finding a similar soul in such a small population base is very limited. So the net can be a plus.

Thanks for your site for providing the negative and giving everyone a chance to hopefully avoid the greatest disasters. Cheers.