"A GENTLEMAN'S INTERNET COMPANION"

I receive A LOT of letters from men. Men who tell me that I'm not covering both sides of the coin. They tell me that I should offer more advice for men, tell 'em what it's really like out there for them. But ya see, guys, the problem is.. I'm not a man - I don't know what it's really like out there for you! And.. I tell you this. I write back to each and every one of you who gives me an address to write to and say "Hey! If you want it in print, tell me what's up!". Not a single one of you would. Until now...

A very eloquent, obviously "net-savvy" gentleman took me to task, and has sent the following. It is reprinted here in it's entirety - including the caption of this page. I wish to thank him for this (even if he didn't send it in HTML - humpf!). Wild

A Gentleman's Internet Companion

Here is some advice for GoodGuys on the net:

There is nothing magic about the internet. It is just another way for men and women to meet, like school, church, work, or in bars. The Internet has the advantage of exposing you to a great many more experiences than you would otherwise have at church or school-- and it's this added number of contacts that cause the problem. On the internet, you have to be prepared for the added risk of meeting someone who will do harm to you. This does NOT mean that you should not take the risk. Of course you can-- just keep your eyes as open as your heart.

Remember that eight out of ten internet posters are men. Consequently, women have it four times easier than we do when they want to socialize. You must be prepared to be ignored or rejected out of hand on a scale you never dreamt of. Do NOT take it personally.

I believe that about two women in three that you meet on the internet will exhibit a serious personal problem that you need to consider. For about one in three, the problem will be so serious, that you will NOT want that woman in your life.

These odds sound bad, but they are actually good news. It means that you know what your risks are, and have a good way to begin measuring how well you're doing. Here are some of the women you need to watch out for:

  • Some are alchoholics or on drugs. They WILL lie about it. Run. Enough said.

  • Men pretending to be women. EEEEnuf said.

  • Some are more interested in your money than they are in you. There are several forms-- the trickiest to recognize, is the upper middle class "doctors' daughter" who thinks her insanely high standard of living is her birthright, and doesn't realize how rude she is.

  • Some are married but don't admit it at first. While this sounds good; believe me, you don't want the problem after your third or fourth meeting. I'm someone for whom this does NOT happen; and it's happened to me three times. I was going steady for two months one time, before my SO's husband came home.

  • This also goes for children. I personally haven't run into very many single moms pretending to be sirens in the night, but it does happen. I also don't care if my intended has multiplied herself, but you might. In any case, it's a big thing to lie about. By the third or fourth email exchange; you should know.

  • Many women have serious emotional problems. You should familiarize yourself with what paranoid, histrionic and narcissistic neuroses are, and pay particular attention to what a Borderline Personality disorder is. You WILL meet them, and they hide it well at first. Consult the DSM IV in a Library, and read about this.

  • Women who don't like sex--- at least, not with you-- and won't admit it. They have a hundred reasons, but it all boils down to this: They have decided that they aren't attracted to you don't want to form a close relationship with you. And they're LYING about it. This damages your emotional integrity and wastes your time. Apply the three-date rule as a guideline.

  • Women who flip emotionally from one thing to another. I found this website because of a terrible experience I just had, with a woman I thought I knew. I met her on the internet but knew her for ten months on three separate mailing lists and two newsgroups before we met. She confessed she "loved" me the second night we were together. We lived together for 18 months-- I helped her finish College and loaned her $5000 dollars-- and three weeks ago with no notice, she announced she was leaving me for another man she met on the Internet.

I am honestly devastated. My first lesson: If she'll join up with you quickly; she'll leave you quickly, too. Watch out for impulsive women. ... and NO, the sex wasn't worth it.

  • Foreign-born women. Men over thirty meet many more foreign-born women than American women think they do.There's nothing wrong with them except that they also fit the profile above-- but you will experience two added risks:

  • First, the company that introduces you is probably a scam outfit, like the Russian outfits that advertise heavily these days. You can't trust a thing they say, and they will charge you three months' income to deal with them. You run the risk of grappling with some real female bounders in the bargain: Mafia sweeties; street girls; third-world gold-diggers, and even convicted criminals.

  • Secondly; you WILL have an added cultural barrier to cross. Relationships with foreign born women (except for North America and England) currently have a 2% success rate.

Here's what to do about all this:

  • Keep your eyes as open as your heart is.

  • Remember that many good women are simply not appropriate for you. If you have strong religious or political or other personal values; then you must be doubly sure before you get too close. A woman isn't a bad choice just because you decide not to choose her.

  • You have personal tastes and cultural expectations that you probably don't know you have. Sit down and make a list--- define your expectations--- before going out to play on the internet. Age; weight; race; health; children; personal interests; profession-- This will keep you out of a LOT of trouble. The people you meet will thank you for it. Incidentally, be ready to change your mind over time, too.

  • After you've met someone and had fun for a few posts; spend some time where you politely but conscienciously try to discover whether they drink, how many relationships they've had and how they ended, and what their job status, money values, and attitudes toward people in general are. Are they suspicious of everything? Do they brag that they are beautiful or smart? Are they employed or in School? Are they married? Do they have children? Do they think all people are basically 'good' or basically 'bad?' Just check on the basics. You will be surprised two times out of three.

  • Make sure you also check on the basics for that SPECIAL person you just met--- the one you are most sure of could be the very one that stings you.

  • Never send money, addresses, pictures or anything personal to anyone you correspond with until you have a damned good reason. Do not "help out" any woman you are corresponding with socially on the internet. Boy, am I sorry I did.

  • Never go to bed with a woman whos' problems are worse than your own.

You know the awful line girls use on us--- "... let's just be friends..." Well, some of these women we might reject as relationship choices, actually make much better friends than they do lovers. There's nothing in the singles' rulebook that says you can't have a few close female friends while you're still looking for lovers.

I think most of our problems, men OR women, comes when we want a closer relationship with someone else than THEY want with US. This is where our time and money goes; when we run the heaviest social and financial risks; and when our hearts break. Take a half-step back to friendship and enlist their support if you can.

If you have a female friend you were once interested in; do not phone or see her more than once a week until your feelings settle down. Less often is preferable.


Wild's thoughts... - Anything I could have said.. any experience any man has ever related to me about the kinds of women he's met, has been most effectively stated above. I again wish to thank the writer of this letter for his very timely and wise comments. They made me wince, but in the end, all I could say was "well yeah..." Wild.