letters
FROM READERS - DECEMBER '00

Current Photos

hi wild I was just at your site and thought it was very interesting, I have a suggestions.. 'current photos' when you take the photo can you have some movie-commercial ad in the background, I think most people would know when that movie was up at the cinema.

Wild's Reply - Well, on it's surface that would seem to make sense, but how would you go about doing that unless you were standing within shooting distance of a billboard? You can always take a picture standing in front of your license plate with most of it covered except for the expiration tag too.


Privacy

Hi, I just visited your site I thought it was good, although I did have one concern One the one hand you advocate not giving out too much information about yourself online, to protect your privacy then you seem to advocate using online databases to check on other people your chatting to, which is violating their privacy Someone I chatted to used a hospital database to get my address ( a female) even though I made it clear I was not interested in meeting her, I felt angry that my rivate details could be accessed with such ease You seem to have double standards., with regards to privacy

Wild's Reply - I have double standards? What I tell people is not to give out too much personal information about themselves. And I also advocate conducting a background investigation before you make a financial or emotional investment that could have devastating effects. Where's the contradiction? When you have reached a point in your online relationship, that you are considering a future, or money becomes involved, wouldn't you want some measure of peace knowing that the person you were involved with was not already married, did not have outstanding warrants, etc.? Additionally, a hospital database IS NOT a background investigation and you could always pursue legal action against the hospital for making that information available. That was a breach of their duty to you, but I certainly didn't tell her to do it.


Update to a past story

Thank you for your forum. I see you have printed my story. I hope that it helps someone. It helped me to see you used it. Thank you for,your kind response. I wanted to tell you that my life is much better now.

I have gotten over the hurt and gone on with my life. I am helping others through COSA and sponsoring others in their recovery from the same things. I have a new business partner who is better and more talented than the man who scammed me. I have a new romantic interest who is wonderful and makes me so happy. He is opposite of what I had before. We do talk via e mail but met in person and see each other several times a week. The e mail is just to fill in the gaps.

He is a REAL person. I am so much happier than I ever would have been with the con artisit who hurt me so deeply. And the joke is on him. He meant to take everything and leave me nothing. But in reality he has nothing and I have it all. His cyberporn queen dumped him, he lost all credibitily with the magic world (we are magicians) I have all the assets (debts too) and I am successful where he is sitting a a bar night after night. I am happy with my new partner, new boyfriend and new found freedom. I have been told I blossomed when he left my life. I feel he freed me. Thanks again for your forum. I hope many more will get over this terrible cyber mess and be as happy as I am now. Thanks again.

Wild's Reply - He's not David Blaine is he? Just kidding. Just the visual of that guy encased in ice - I can't stop myself from laughing. Where's the magic in surviving hypothermia? Wait, where's the hypothermia when you're wired for heat? Anyhow, I'm glad that you've moved forward. I know that your experience gave you the tools to spot a line when you hear it, and all the buzzwords and bs that cons use oh so well. Congratulations with your present, Best Wishes for your future!


I need help!

HEY WHATS UP IM 19 AND I FEEL IN LOVE WITH THIS GREAT GUY ONLINE AND WE ARE GOING TO MEET BUT IM SCARD SHOULD I OR NOT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO FLY DOWN HERE BUT I THINK THATS ALOT OF MONEY TO SPEND TO JUST SEE A GIRL HE HAS NEVER MEET DO YOU THINK ALL YOU WANTS IS SEX I MEAN WOULD A GUY REALLY COME ALL THIS WAY FOR A PICE OF ASS HOPE YOU CAN HELP I REALLY NEED IT THANKS YOUR PAL CANDY

Wild's Reply - Did your self-esteem fly South for the winter? Why aren't you special enough for a guy to spend money on to meet? Do you really see yourself as just a "piece of ass"? The best rule to follow if you're concerned that all somebody wants in person is sex, is to recall what you've given them online.

If the two of you engaged in frequent cyber sex, then it's pretty reasonable to expect that he anticipates getting the real thing when he gets there. If you discussed sex on the first meeting, that's all the more reason to suspect that he is looking forward to it. If you don't intend to engage in sexual relations with this fellow, then you need to make that very clear. And in the future, don't toy or tease someone online if there's even the remotest possibility you may end up meeting in real life.


I did it my way

I just stumbled across your site. Thank god I have a success story and others can too. I was amazed at the horrible stories I read.

First of all I met several very genuine, very nice men online and all of us still communicate as friends. I date one seriously and have for the past three years..we live four hours apart and enjoy our own lives and our dates together.

First, let me tell you that I am 47 and attractive, but very busy and thats what prompted me to use a dating service. Second, when I want to meet someone I have a chaperone, or invite them to my office (I work next to a police department!) where they are seen by everyone connected to me. Three, I make them meet my dad...who grills them on items I may have overlooked. If they make it through this gauntlet...I go out with them in a public place and usually only after I have talked to them at least 3 months online. AND, I do this in broad daylight and do NOT invite them to my home. I have successfully dated a super entomologist, a pilot and a chef this way. All were in the same boat as myself, busy, busy and single/divorced, genuine, wonderful men. I have been extremely LUCKY and I know this. I am so glad that you have this website up with all the warnings. I commend you.

Wild's Reply - Yes, thank God for your many successes! It sounds almost humorous to say that you practice "safe dating" but it's the very savvy woman who takes that much care and precaution. You put common sense before reckless abandon and I admire that. I wish I'd had the sense God gave dirt before I got myself into half of the messes I did online, only one of which I've published to this site. I commend your methods and their outcomes. Thank you so much for writing.


The Good, The Bad, I'm from Turkey

I am 23 years old, living in Turkey. I've been on the internet for almost 3 years now. The first times I was on the net (&ICQ) I had recently broke with a boyfriend, was kinda down, and was discovering the possibilities of the net, being totally naive for sure.

THE NOT SO HAPPY ENDING STORY: I met an american man. We have been talkin from time to time, just for fun at the beginning. He was 40, divorced but still in love with his ex wife, who was living in another state, he was saying. We kept talking, with time, he said he fallen in love with me. I was keeping to tell him that was only pleasing to me to talk with him, but i could not tell more.

Some months later, he convinced me to give him my phone #, asked me for permission to call me at some time i would agree. So he called... That night we talked for about 8 hours! From USA to Turkey. He did not want to hang up till i felt asleep ! He called me again some other times, at each asking me permission at first on ICQ. Each time we talked for hours. ( He had to pay 3000$ for those phone calls !) I was beginning to feel to be in love, I ended by telling him that.

So we began exchanging letters... He sent me gifts, to me, and also some greeting cards, a book, with gentle words to my mother. And so more things . . . He mentionned to come to visit me in the summer. I had to move for one month at France for my studies. He offered me to come to see me there. I declined first. Then I accepted, but he said then it was too late for him to prepare this travel.

But we were keeping of doing plans to meet, or even he was willing me to move to the States when i would be graduated from the university one year later. I was still trying to keep distances, but also thinking and dreaming about things. Finally, one week before I left my city to go to France, he revealed that he was married ! But that his wife (not the mother of his children but his 2nd wife) was working at some other city, so she was only at home the sundays (the day he kept me telling he was going to sell things at the flea market, so that he was unable to come online).

Also, that he wasn't 40 but 50 years old. He did tell me he was just playing at first, but the he really felt in love with me, that's why he was feeling he should tell me this even if he would lose me because of that. He also said that if i ever decide to go to live with him at the States, he would/could not divorce for some reasons, but could live away of his wife, who were anyway seeing all my letters... I was down. And I said I could not promise anything to him anymore, even if he was telling me what ever he was into wasn't really a marriage for him... And I left for France.

We kept talking on the phone and writing letters that month. But I got involved with a guy i met there at France. And one day i ended telling this american man things could not continue like that. That I will only think about him as a friend. We did not talk at all for some months, then now, we do talk from time to time. He left his wife recently for his new girlfriend. And life goes on. I think I am lucky he revealed some things before really meeting me. WELL AFTER THAT I HAD SOME MONTHS OF CHATS, NONE SERİOUS, SOME MEETİNGS, NONE SERIOUS AGAIN. I DECIDED I WOULD NEVER GET INVOLVED ONCE MORE WITH ANYONE I COULD MEET OVER THE NET. But....

THE NICE STORY: Between those people I was chatting for fun, there was a guy from France. He wasn't at all the kind of guy I could like, almost just and only talking about sex. I should say that I wasn't being gentle with him, especially that I was beginning to miss living a nice relationship. One day I told him about those feelings of mine: That he really was letting me feel like a bitch, and i wasn't this one, that I anyway tired of those cyber conversations, so that i decided not to talk with him anymore if he was to continue like that.

His answer was quite nice, asking excuses etc. I felt that he might be someone different that he was showing me to be. Two weeks later, I suddenly had to make a trip to his city in France for my school again. I did let him know about this. He seemed very surprised and told me he would like to meet me. I tought that would at best be another one night stand again, and I anyway would not loose anything meeting him. I told him when I would be there, he gave me his phone #, told me his real name ( we hadn't exchanged this kind of personnal information before naturally ), and asked me to please call him as soon as i could when I would be there, so we could see when and where to meet. He also told me not to worry if a woman was to asnwer the phone, that he was living with his mother. (living with his mother at 35 years old ?? I had doubts for good! but well...) I was there... I called him, I decided of the place to meet and so on. We met.

He was seeming so different than he shoved to be on ICQ. Just a very nice guy, shy even. We talked for a while, we ended by founding ourselves in the arms of each other kissing. Then it was time to leave for that night. He said he would so much like to see me again the next day, as I would be leaving to get back home then. We met again, spent some time in the city, he then offered to let me see his home. I accepted ( I know it is a crazy thing to be done !), we are gone, I met his mother, so that wasn't a lie, he was really for some reasons living with his mother, but she was about to move another city and so on... it was a real nice night.

Back to my home, I was wondering what this encounter would end by... He did let me know he was hoping have a long relationship with me, he asked if i would like him to come to see me for the summer, after his mother would have moved. He did. He came here, met my nother at his turn, we travelled together for a few time in my country. All was really nice. Then he was back to his home. I was supposed to continue my studies at his city, so we were waiting impatiently that autumn to arrive. Things didn't happen so, but we decided to see if we could continue this relationship while waiting for me to move there, just seeing each other a few days each 2-3 months. Till now, things are just fine, and I strongly hope that will continue so.

Wild's Reply - Isn't that bizarre. The first guy could not or would not leave his wife for some bizarre reason and then turns around and splits like a banana for somebody else. Go figure. I'm glad that your new guy is genuine and pleasant. That's how it often happens, at least that's how it was for me. You swear off net guys, you treat them like dirt online, and the one you treat the worst, cause he's totally not your type, you end up marrying. Good luck, take care.


PAGE TWO OF DECEMBER '00 LETTERS

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