The Real Story
Updated October 1, 1998

October 1, 1998 - My story is this . . I got involved with a man, who I met in person and dated for awhile. He was nothing that he represented himself to be, and lied about every important fact in his life. He had a violent temper and I had a very difficult time getting "untangled" from this relationship as he had skillfully and carefully manipulated me and played head games with me that my self esteem got lower and lower and I became less and less sure of myself, always doubting myself and believing that if "I just didn't make him angry" he wouldn't "have to" lose his temper.

One of the "lies" I discovered him in was that he was having online "friendships" with women, and he would go on the internet at midnight and chat with women until three or four in the morning, several nights a week. When I found out, he claims he was just "having fun" and it was "all in fun" and he never actually met any of these women in person. I found this to be morally unfair to the women he was leading on. I then discovered he was actually meeting up with some of them, and was risking exposing me to stds.

When I finally was able to break off the relationship with this man, he became rageful and obsessed with me, I believe mostly because he was losing the control he once had over me. He would wait for me outside of my apartment door, late at night when I came home. He would call and page me over and over, at all hours of the night, until I changed all of my phone numbers. He would send me threatening e-mails, until I changed my e-mail address.

He then, somehow got my new e-mail address, and I don't know how! Since my email was part of my office email, he also got into all of my coworkers emails! He read personal emails that were mine, as well as the others in my office! I don't know how he did this and it was very scary! While he was doing all of this, he also generated an email from my main office screen name, that was vulgar and abusive in content. He forwarded this email to many people whom we both know and it was a horrible and slanderous email.

I changed my email account again, this time to not be shared w/my coworkers, but I am constantly paranoid that he is "watching" me and knows what my new email address is, and is reading my personal communication with others. How is this possible? And how has he accessed my email accounts as well as my coworkers?

Is there anything that I can do to prevent this? Is there any program I can get to tell me if my privacy is being invaded without my knowledge?

Is there an online service for women only, where I can post an anonymous warning for other women? There should be a bulletin board for women only to access and check up on men they meet on the internet, I am sure there are many more violent and dangerous men out there just like this man. Thank you for your input, I appreciate any suggestions you may have for me.

Wild's Reply - Well, there's no shortage of programs that will let one get into your computer, but they generally cause more mischief than just e-mails. On the other hand, forging e-mails and running them through anonymous e-mail programs isn't that hard. If he can get your e-mail password, he can download your mail. I'd suggest talking to your server (work) and finding out what you can do to restrict download access. Some servers have restrictions that even with the correct password, unless it's going to your dialup account, nobody else can touch it. You might also look at personal firewalls, etc.

I wish there was someplace that women could post warnings. Unfortunately, the exposure for liability is too great, so most of those with domains won't do it. You can always throw up a site on something like Geocities, Tripod or Angelfire and see about starting your own using bogus information. This is a scary dude for sure. Scarier even because not only is he stalking you, but he may well be stalking others he's met on the net. Take care of yourself.

April 13, 1998 - Deception

We met in a chat room and over a period of several months, we learned about each other. Serena (name changed) seemed to be everything that I was interested in. She was sweet, kind, caring, and had the same ideas as I. Being cautious, I would let her tell me about her (instead of me telling and having her agree).

Well, over time, we started growing close. We talked (at my expense). She wouldn't call me. (That should have been a red flag). But, I figured that if this was the one, then the cost would mean nothing.

Things went great for about 2 months. Then we decided to meet. It was all over the chat room that we were going to meet. I bought an airline ticket to fly the 1,800 miles to meet Serena.

Well, it wasn't 2 days before the flight when she said that she had met someone (who lived about 1,000 miles from her) and that when I came to visit, we couldn't be intimate. Being intimate wasn't my impression. I wanted to meet this person and see how things were going to go.

Anyway, I was devistated. After two months of talking and spending the money on an airline ticket, this person didn't want to see me because she fell *in love* with someone she only knew a week (via chat). I am a big hearted person and can understand love----but not in a week with someone you never met!!

Anyway, I didn't know what to do. I had a friend who was going to Texas for a party (which was originally planned because of my arrival). Deni (not her real name, either) told me *screw it, come on out, we will have fun*. Well, I figured that I blew the $300 for an airline ticket and went out there to meet some other friends.

Well, Deni and I met up with two of her friends and the four of us had a great weekend.

Well, when I got home, I got the phonebill. I had a $600 phone bill and when I asked Serena to help me pay it, she would ignore me. I had to bear the financial aspect alone. She said that she didn't have any money. Well, Serena had a decent job and lived at home with her mother. I own a house and know about bills. But, when I was living at home, I didn't have to worry about rent or a mortgage. So, what was she doing with her money?

The only gratification that I received was when Serena was dumped by this guy she left me for. He did it in public in the chat room. Kinda cold way to do it but it made me feel good. I know that is a bitter thing to say.

But, people need to know that what comes around, goes around. For now, I am interested in someone online but it is going nowhere. I guess that when one person has hurt you so bad with deception, you will be cautious for a very long time.

I do have to admit that I have made many great friends and many people think highly of me (Wild being one). And, that is good enough for me. Be careful. If you become interested in someone--make sure they are willing to meet you halfway. If they won't, then maybe that isn't the person for you. If someone is selfish by saying they don't have money, time, etc etc, then you don't need them.

It doesn't matter how long you know someone, deception can occur at ANYTIME.


I started corresponding with "FreeGuy", shortly after joining an on-line dating service. FreeGuyís wife had recently left him and moved in with her boyfriend. We exchanged lots of email, numerous times throughout the day He enjoyed sharing and opening up to someone again.. He lived close to his work and would come home at lunch to exchange email. He told me how I added something missing so long to him.

He sent me pictures of him and his work place. We got along well. He told me things that were intimate in nature, things you would only discuss with someone you felt close to and trusted.

We discussed meeting. He drove to a store near my house by my suggestion. He needed some specialty things. He told me exactly when he left and when he should be at the store. I drove by the store and saw his truck. I didnít stop however.

Shortly after this, I noticed a strange tone change in his email. He seemed a bit more guarded, and not corresponding as often. Yet, he was still very excited to exchange email. I began to ask what was up. He stated it was just work stress, etc. I pushed a bit harder for info and then he confessed.

His wife hadnít left him. She had been on vacation for a month or so. She had returned shortly before he took the trip near my house. Freeguy wasnít so "free" at all. He said he was sorry, that he really had been enjoying our friendship, and that he knew he should stop it after his wife returned home, but he didnít want to. I was very hurt and furious. I had trusted him. He had betrayed that trust. I am very glad we did not meet. I never wrote to him again.

Wild's Reply - In reading this story, it occurs to me how "icky" some people really are. What man doesn't know how romantically oriented we women are? Using terms that we long to hear, language that makes us feel so essential to their very existence.. what a tragedy. It's a flaw in us that we want so desperately to believe we could be so important to someone that they can use this against us. It occurs to me that "Miriam" is luckier than some others in this same position, only because in this one case, "Freeguy" admitted he was still married. For every one "Freeguy", there are probably a lot of others who could have actually carried on an affair with some unsuspecting woman, to the detriment of his own wife and children. Beware people!! As much as we want to believe these guys are sincere, what you have read, and will continue to read ARE TRUE STORIES!! There are people out there who would hurt you, even unintentionally. Be wary and be cautious!!

Copyright 1998 Wildxangel - All Rights Reserved