FROM READERS - JAN/FEB/MARCH '02 - PAGE TWO

Advice About Checking

You have a great site, Wild!
"Should've read this before", hahaha... Well, I do have a very painful experience of an online relationship but it's a long story...

I can give an advice to check if the man you're involved with online is lying to you that "you're the only one and bla-bla-bla". Try to chat with him under another nick - it's easy to do especially on icq! Try to hit on him, seduce him, find out if he has another girlfriend, etc. By his reaction you'll get an idea if he's a damn lier!

My own story is about a big burn and everything came clear after i did this to my online-boyfriend! Of course, if you want a full story - I'll send it to you!
Best regards,

Wild's Reply - I don't really condone checking on somebody by deception, but I suppose online it may be the only way if you suspect your one and only may be somebody else's one and only when you're not around. The problem with doing that is what happens after you've flirted and gotten a reaction and the typical "no I don't have a girlfriend" response from them and you confront them and they tell you they were just fooling around, it was harmless fun - and in many cases it well could be, but now nobody trusts anybody? If you suspect somebody isn't being honest, then your relationship is already in trouble without proof. Maybe that's the angle you should approach it from.

The Ultimate Scam

My story is one that is similar to most of what I've been reading on your site, in the way of scams, cons, and deceit.

However, the details of my 4year online, and 1 year offline relationship, is not only complicated, it is indeed shocking. I am referring to a man who is a professional executive, who not only seeks women for sexual pleasure, he uses his psychology training in the form of mind control with his victims.

His carefully chooses women who are in desperate situations, and plays upon their vulnerabilities. Which may sound like your typical "cyberstalker" who scans chat rooms and profiles, but this person carries his "plot" toward more "real-time" deceptions.

After years of friendly conversations, phone and email, he decided that we should meet. From that point, he took control of my every move. We formed a partnership in
business, so I could travel with him, and was constantly "on call." My children thought of him as the father they never had. It was one continual lie after another.

The twist of my story, is that I have transcripts from one of his other "women" that he was involved with. Same scenerio, same disgusting words, phrases...even down the songs I thought were "ours."

As I began to unravel his web of lies, I noticed the selective and suggestive language he used when referring to sex. He not only succeeded in conforming us into his "slaves", but yet with her, HE WAS A WOMAN. He was and is also very MARRIED. She has no idea to whom!

We each were flown to the same hotels, CA, NY, FL, NV, between alternate visits to our homes. He became involved in our daily lives, families, in the pretense of moving in.
This tragic online story and the details have been documented by myself and his other woman. Without a doubt, it is as sick as it gets, for two unsuspecting, trusting
women who thought they had found the love of their lives.

We have explict photos, voice-mails, tapes, documents, emails, etc. (even matching lingerie) He wasn't discreet about anything. We traveled as man and wife, and were announced that way. In her case, he had a wedding dress fitted for himself, for the wedding they were to have performed in CA.

When I learned of his "female fantasies," desires of being a woman, and his horrible, vicious lies...I almost suffered a nervous breakdown, and was hospitalized. It was and still is a traumatic delusion of ongoing findings. We each realize that we were cohearsed by suggestive psychology. He "gets off" on convincing morally, decent women to perform acts of S&M, things that they never dreamed of doing. Our families even noticed that we were losing our identities, and were concerned.

To this day, we notice there are "triggers" and we catch ourselves in desperate need of contacting him! There is so much more...so much evidence is involved, (including DNA)
At this point, we want to share the events as they happened, if it could keep JUST ONE family from being intruded, and ONE WOMAN from suffering the humiliating, disgusting consequences of such a criminal minded NUT.

We are also very afraid for his wife, and what this might do to her mentally if she were to find out. The problem is, as I said, this man is highly successful, wealthy, and we fear what he could do to us. There has been several incidences of suspicious calls, some though indirectly, we received as "warnings." Would you advise seeking an attorney? We do not know who to contact, nor have any idea how to approach theright authorities.

Please, I do hope this letter is received and reviewed as confidential. The nature of all the above, can and could be detrimental to our families. I would certainly appreciate any advice or suggestions you might have. Thank You in Advance for reading and sincerely listening,

Wild's Reply - I'm not sure what you want. There are no 'authorities' you need to contact. I'm not even sure a crime was comitted except for adultery. What you engaged in was consensual sex. Granted, the guy sounds like a parasite, but I didn't see where he surgically removed your free will. I do understand the nature of co-dependent relationships, but where is your responsibility to check this guy out? You didn't seem to mind being flown from place to place and enjoying this lifestyle, what you disliked was finding out you were not the only one and that he was married. Things sound like they were idyllic until you found out about the other women. Heck, your kids even thought of him as dad. Take some responsibility for your part in this situation, and seek out some therapy for learning how to avoid co-dependent enabling.

Like many people looking for someone, I turned to the personals. I don't mean to sound shallow, but I think looks are important and I stated it in my ad. I feel people should be compatable in that area as well as any other.

After sifting through many emails, I came across one that sounded like someone I might be interested in. His picture looked a little distored, sort of a "door knob" affect, I figured he was just a little too close to the lens. Anyway, I emailed him, we talked..and talked..after several long distance conversations, I started to really like him. I did however get a little sick of hearing about his sound studio, contracts, etc... he did seem nervous, trying almost too hard to make me like him. I should have let this be my first red flag, but I didn't. And after a month of talking and emailing, he calmed down a little and I felt comfortable enough to meet him.

I had been sick and still wasn't feeling well on the night we had set up to meet. It was raining and I had a long drive to his side of town. Still, I was anxious to meet him and actually had hopes. I got lost and started feeling feverish. But I knew if I didn't show he would never understand, so I pushed on. When I reached the movie theater, I quickly pulled over to check my make-up despite the fact I felt like hell. I scrunch my long curly blonde hair (I'm telling you that for a reason) and got out of the car. The rain let up, so I went outside by the doors to wait.

I watched as a crowd of teens walking tword the door started to part making way for ...a very short man..a midget. He was wearing a bright flowered shirt and huge black and white cowboy boots. People actually turned to look at him. As if he wouldn't attract enough attention,he had black roots with long stringy light blonde ends that seemed to flow around his head. As he got closer I could see his face, I started to wonder....I got this horrible feeling so I quicky turned my back. That's when he approached me. He said if not for my hair he might not have seen me. I was in shock. As I walked into the movies I thought to myself this must be how super models feel. He struggled with his wallet, his fingers were like sausages, so I paid for everything...too I was feeling guilty knowing the moment the movie ended I was running like a mad man to my car.

It was horrible. I don't mean to offend anyone, but I think there are certain things that should be disclosed right away. I mean did he think I wouldn't notice??? Or that I just wouldn't care once I saw how charming he was? wrong. He wasn't charming and even if he were, he should tell people he's 4 feet tall! To make matters worse, after not answering his emails or phone calls he started writing dirty things to me of a sexual nature. Not only was he ugly he was weird! BEWARE

Wild's Reply - Uh.. what must be how supermodels feel? You could have told him as soon as he approached you that you were sorry, but he wasn't honest about himself, you were certain that there was no chance anything would come of this, and wished him luck in the future. I'm not saying he shouldn't have been honest, but did you ever discuss height, etc.?

Thank You!

I am so happy I found your site!! I was just telling my kids and my ex, which we for the most part have maintained a MATURE relationship that I felt there should be a need for something like this.

I am just in the final stage of dissolving (thru litigation)an abusive relationship and accepting (or not) the fact I was conned...abused...defamed/slandered ... suffered financial loss, but most importantly, my TRUST in people, especially men.

I wish I had found the DATESMART site (which lead me to you) 4 years ago. I will definitely recommend both of these sites to everyone I know.

I am angry that people can get away with what they do. But apparantely MORALS do not matter. I was victimized once before (sexually assaulted) but being victimized (emotionally/financially)this time is so similar....almost worse.

I will be writing "MY INTERNET NIGHTMARE" soon and hope that it gets published. Can we use real names? because I know "HE" is back out there looking for his next victim and if I can spare another innocent woman, but more importantly her kids, from someone I had the misfortune of meeting then I know all my loss has helped someone else.

This has been wonderful theraphy. I am going to peruse your site now. Thank you again!!!

Wild's Reply - Hi! I really hate it when I read stories like this. It disgusts me to know that there are horrible people out there who don't give a shit about feelings and emotions and only care about self-preservation at the expense of another. When you do submit your story, please just use an initial rather than a name.

He is flying to meet me!

Well, i met a great guy on the internet like 3 weeks ago. I am currently living in UK and he is in Sweden. We exchanged pictures, and wow, he is really handsome, and i like him a lot, and he likes me too.

Its been so wonderful, we chat everynite, he calls me to mobile everyday, we just get along with each other so great.

He is flying to the UK next week to meet me, we will spend the whole weekend in Birmingham, of course he will be staying in a hotel, not with me. He is 21 years old, he is studying and he seems to be a nice guy. I think he hasn't hide anything from me, we talked about everyhting and we are really open.

I know it sounds weird, but i feel like if i am falling in love with him, and he feels the same way, of course we always question oursleves "WHY, if we haven;t even meet??", but we know we'll know the truth about this feeeling as soon as we meet. There is a lot of attraction, he is drop dead gorgeous and well, i am pretty too..so i just wanna know what you all think about this? Do u think its scary to meet someone who is flying all the way from Sweden just to meet me? My best friend is gonna take me to the airport to pick him up from there, so, i guess thats a little bit secure.

I like him ALOT, do u think it will be a bad idea if a get an extra room in the hotel for me? or that would be to risky?...

I don't wanna believe he is some type of "internet psycho" but you never know...I am not afraid at all, cuz i can tell by his voice and by this 3 weeks that he is honest and he is scare too..well, i would like to have your point of view...should we kiss when we meet???..i know it sounds crazy..but oh God..i feel so cray for him!!
Hope to get your suggestions before he gets here!!!
Thank you!!

Wild's Reply - How old are you? How can you be not afraid at all? How can you tell from someone's voice that they are honest? Should you kiss when you meet? Why don't you just meet first and go from there. See if he's still "Drop dead gorgeous" when he gets off the plane and let us know how it went.