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FROM READERS - OCTOBER/NOVEMBER '00

Online Lover

Recently about 2 months ago i met this guy on here. We really hit it off. All our interests are similar and we are exacticaly what each other is looking for. He lives in Alberta and I live in Ontario - 2000 miles apart. He has family near where i live which is a good thing.

I feel like he is the one for me but you always here of all these internet relationships that end up fatal and people get killed. Even though i have a gut feeling that this guy is for real i can't help but think "what if"! I mean we are both still very young i am 18 and he is 20. He told me that he would wait 2 years if he had to for me cause what we have is so special to him. I don't know if that is a warning sign that this guy is a fake or what? I am not good at interpreting people's words.

We talk on the phone like everyday or close to it and we just talk about how your day went and things like that. I mean i wondered about things like "Does he live at home and and what do his parents think? He told his mom about me and she thinks it is cool. When he can't be home to talk to me he leaves messagez with his mom to tell me when i can phone him back. I guess what i am looking for is some advice on if my situation sounds safe. I mean part of me says yes and part says no. It might be because i have been influenced by all the horror stories you here about the net. So if you could give me some advice on what to do that would be great!! Thanks a lot

Wild's Reply - Well, it doesn't sound to me like your safety is in jeopardy, especially if you're thinking you can't meet for at least two years. I would be concerned about somebody who is 20 who is willing to wait two years to meet somebody. Is he a student? I dunno, he could be legit, but I don't know what your discussions are like. Why don't you ask some deeper, more probing questions, and see what kinds of answers you get.


Payback time for losers

I didn't see this site until a few weeks after meeting a person i met online. I wish i had seen it before i ever went to visit him. The RED FLAGS you described were there. But then, I suppose in many ways i put blinders on to what i chose to see to spite everything.

The man i met was a full of deceit. I won't even get into everything that has happened over the course of 8 months, but i will tell you how I "paid him back". First of all, I found out what a liar he was by accessing his comp files while i was visiting him. He kept all his accounts on auto log in. I found chat logs, emails, videos, etc. All saying similar things to other women that he told me.Made me sick needless to say.(I didn't know any of this til i had been there for 3days already)The rest of my time there was heartbreaking.I kept what i knew to myself, but emailed the "evidence" to my own email. :D. You might ask how could i have stayed for 4 more days? well, I loved this man, despite what i found out. I also knew I would never see him again, so I made the best of it. (I knew someone else in that state, so yes i could have left there if i needed to)

When i returned home, I saved the information i had. I wrote to every woman he talked to, emailed, and sent cam videos too warning them. I let them know this man was not divorced like he claimed, just separted(but not legally)and that i had spent one week with him.(He told many he was going to be out of town for a week)Most of them emailed me back, thanking me. That "man" on the other hand-when he found out what i did, threatened me with various things. I even had to take my phone off the hook for days. Never once has he apologized or admitted to any wrong doing.

About 2weeks after my trip, i also found out i was pregnant. When i told him, he turned the other cheek so to speak. But i wasn't surprised. The pregnancy ended in miscarriage. I'm sure some would say that's best,but i would never to spite what i went through with him, have wished that. After the miscarriage, somehow he thought we could have something again, and in my heart i still wanted that. But the trust was gone. We continued to talk again for about a month. Then low and behold his "games" started once again.(mind you he told me he was done with all that-yeah right!)When i find out who these new women are(and i have my ways)I tell them just what he is truly like and look beyond the false charm he displays. Those days are coming to an end though. I have to move on with my life, and realize i can't "save" every women the hurt i went through with this man.

I talk to his wife often however. She has her own horror stories with this emotionally abusive man. I guess we're able to help each other emotionally, because we both went through alot of the same things with him. I have the advantage of being able to be totally free of him, where she does not because of the kids. The whole situation was a hard lessoned learned. It nearly destroyed my life, and a baby was created from a lie. Please be careful out there everyone. Not everyone is who they my portray themselves to be. Don't listen to yor heart, listen to your head first

Wild's Reply - I'm not clear on why, knowing what you knew, you went back. Love only goes so far, and when someone is obviously doing to a lot of women what he's done to you, it's one-sided. But I won't condemn your actions. You spared a lot of other women the agony and anxiety they could have gone through had you not contacted them.


Another spurned spouse story

I wish I had found this site when this whole story started!!

When we first got online, my husband became totally addicted to it. He would spend 30 - 40 hours a week online.....with me locked out of the room. The first week I figured it was just "guy's new toy" stuff, and that he kept the door locked to keep the kids out. Well, I wish that were the case.

He became this online Romeo, and his "late nights at work" were actually spent on a pay phone or the cell phone with several different women, claiming his undying love for them. I tried to get him to go to counseling with me....I tried EVERYTHING. But nothing worked. I'm leaving out many of the details, just because they are exactly like the other submissions I've seen here, with a few exceptions.

One day, he "went to class" (he's a college student) and didn't come home for 4 days....Valentine's Day, no less. It was then I broke into his email and discovered EVERYTHING he had been up to. I can't describe the pain I felt at that, not to mention being left with the kids, no car, no money, and not knowing if he was going to come back or not. I took him back (like an idiot), and a few months later (just before our anniversary) he did it again....only he didn't come back this time. What he thought was going to be a quick visit, an overnight fling so to speak, turned out to be some poor woman coming to be with her Prince Charming forever. I don't think he expected her to have luggage when he picked her up. He was NOT the person he made himself out to be....and several women I tried to warn about him when I found out who they were....yet they insisted on believing him.

So, he did the same thing to this woman who moved in with him, only he took off for two weeks that time. Thankfully, she still had a home to go back to. If there are any women (or men)reading this who are involved in one of these long distance relationships, please, PLEASE heed the "red flags". Oh, and the reality vs. the "thoughtful, kind, attentive, sensitive Mr. Wonderful" my husband portrayed himself to be??? In reality, he neglected to mention he is mentally ill....he didn't mention our disabled children (until he figured out it made for great sympathy).....didn't mention that the long distance calls and cell phone cut into the grocery money, and that he didn't involve himself with the kids at all. I "didn't understand him", "didn't love him anymore", blah, blah, blah....when I was completely rejected for a machine and a voice on the phone. Never forget there are two sides to every story.

Wild's Reply - I can't begin to imagine what you went through. I can't conceive of my husband spending hours on the net, neglecting his family, or spending bill money on calls and such with other women. I'm not clear on how he could up and disappear, and apparently rent a place for this other woman to come to. Was it a friend's house or did he actually rent some place. It sounds like the story you got left out some details. Most importantly, you left out whether or not he's still doing this. Is he still married and living with you (except when he's not) and spending hours on end online with unsuspecting women?


More on Russian Brides

Several months ago I contacted you about posting an article on a HUGE scam coming out of Ukraine. Well, I fell for it and wasted a year of my life on the hopes and dreams of finding the perfect woman.

I found her profile on Americansingles.com. There are over 50 fake ladies posting as bait. At first I trusted my gut and ended the relationship after a month. Well...after dating here I decided to give it a try again. I was going to be in Germany for a trip and decided I would like to meet her there. I posted and like a fool I believed she would be there. I sent her travel expenses for her, and an interpreter friend, plus money for a passport and visa. I researched everything I could, everything was favorable.

I bought books on Ukraine, Maps and started to learn Russian and Ukrainian languages. I flew to Hanover and was stood up. This agency goes by the "Agency of translation" Anyone dealing with an E-Mail address of Sun(a number) @crosswinds.net is dealing with a scam.

I created five false identities with complete profiles and detailed personalities to catch them. Little things like " I live in a flat and dont have a phone so you can not call me"...yet she would say The agency called to tell me your letters were here. She always had an excuse for everything...yet she spoke of deep love and life together. My subconscious was SCREAMING something is wrong.....but I wrote it off as bad translations etc. I called a number from my end that was given to me early on from Germany and got a lady that pretended to know me and take my message.

A few weeks ago I called it again with an interpreter on my end and this person was a fake. Her account had been frozen since we corresponded and suddenly came back with another ladies pictures. I called them on it and instead of taking it down corrected it with new pictures. Her accounts are #457366 and 1656171 on Americansingles.com. I contacted AmericanSingles and no reply. The Agency had an excuse for everything. When you contact a Russian or Ukrainian lady, it is common for them or their agency to ask you to pay for translations. The average Ukrainian makes about 40 Dollars a month and translations are very expensive so this IS common practice.

I got a canned letter the first time I wrote to her and a real person the second letter. When I wrote as three different guys I got three of the same canned letter. I played along and wrote in detail as these guys. I got a second letter that was more personal yet still canned. I told the agency as these people I was a friend of the real me and caught them. They came back with Marina is in school, we replied on her behalf. You are no longer allowed to use our agency (because I threatened to warn others)....So here I was thinking I broke HER heart with my mistrust and doubts. I was devastated. But I didnt give up. I contacted them as yet another man hitting the ground running...dear Marina I have missed you....been on a business trip....made more money than we could ever spend.....can buy our dream home now and I can come to you in a couple of months. Ill be in Romania on a business trip can you meet me....."Of course I can meet you, I miss you and want to pick up where we left off....I had my passport stolen can you send money for a replacement etc."....

I read this may be the Russian Mafia involved in this scam from Lugansk. I had sent them letters with addresses of my family and friends as contacts should something happen early on. well I started to think they could harm my relatives if I went public with a warning to others. SO I told them I was a Private investigator that contacted Marina to see if she was a real person and was investigating the recent suicide of Me to cover myself. They bought it and sent a mail to me asking me as Marina to reply. I sent a letter as my former employer telling them I was sorry for their loss but I was no longer with the company and had passed away. These people are good...damn good. They had me convinced I had a keeper...I was going to fly to Ukraine in December.....yet they never did their end in the paperwork. I found an independent agency to help me with that...yet her official invitation needed for a visa never came. IF anyone is trying this game on their own with no experience there is an on line forum at http://www.planet-love.com/wwwboard/russian/. It has great advice and has personal answers from Russians, and Americans on their experiences.

Do not send money until you have a verified phone number and a ground mail address and can confirm this lady is real. Ask for a personalized picture of her holding a dated card with your name on it. This is cheap and simple and can save you thousands of dollars and a broken heart. There is nothing more painful than seeing the face of the woman you have loved for a year suddenly turning to the face of a stranger. Talk on the phone, ask detailed questions through the interpreter. Take no excuses, they will go along if they are legit. If they do not freeze their account move on.

The scams are every where and unfortunately are hard to spot. Lugansk has no reputable agencies and is Mob driven. Avoid this city. Go to a reputable agency such as EastBride or ones that screen their clients and allow serious contact with one man only. They will take care of background checks and verify the ladies have no criminal record or STDs and are even eligible for a visa.

Take your time and go slow, do Not give your heart until you are certain this lady is real and sincere. You will have to meet her on her soil first. Arrange a trip with a group, do not go alone. Could you imagine if I had flown to Kiev alone to be greeted by the goons instead of the lady of my dreams? I could be dead. There are organized tours that will introduce you to hundreds of real sincere attractive well educated ladies sincerely looking for a better life and a genuine stable husband to share their lives with. They are wonderful women with traditional values and highly educated and sincere in wanting a man that will treat them well and give them a better life. They are family oriented and place family first. They are not just out to get citizenship and split. A few may be an exception, but about 2 in 5 are out for money and never plan to come to America or Canada or the Western Europe. The others are sincere.

Be careful....listen to your gut. If you get ANY feeling she isn't right...move on. These women are incredible, beautiful, educated and sincere...but people will play off that and scam you for everything they can. I lost my heart and my soul to this woman Marina. She was a medical student.....My dreams were crushed and Im out over a grand. I dont care about the money, these people raped my heart.....stole my love. Do not be fooled. Demand proof....current pictures via snail mail. A telephone call with an interpreter on their end. Above all listen to your gut. Do not make excuses for them. Go through a reputable agency with a phone number and address...in 1995 a lady started a scam operation in Lugansk....several of her employees saw the profits and left to start their own. They will ask for 8$ per letter....then discount multiple up to 100$ per month for unlimited translations. They also offer flower delivery and cakes etc if you send MORE money for an imaginary lady.....dont be fooled. Do not send expensive packages. Send a test package with a stuffed animal and ask her to describe it. Have her send you something so you can verify her existence. Current pictures, copies of birth certificates etc.

This lady Marina could have just been a model that was hired for her photos. She may have been a real client who saw what was going on and left having her identity and profile stolen. She was not in on it because they could not produce her current pictures. They sent me a video of her in Mpg format. 12 seconds of the sweetest lady I have ever seen. I can back everything I am saying. Do not trust AmericanSingles profiles. There are multiple women that are fabricated as bait posted free to Ukraine. American Singles will not reply to my warnings. Take care of yourself....educate yourself. These women are worth the hassle....worth the travel and wait if they are real. Some guys are out tens of thousands of dollars....dont be one of them. Think with your head, not with your heart. 40$ goes a long ways over there....a hundred dollars a month is a gold mine. They are not gold diggers...any American man who is stable is a rich man to them. Most of their men are alcoholics and work hard at multiple jobs to make ends meat and have little time for a wife and children. They graduate at age 15 and are married with children by early 20s...there is a 95% divorce rate by age 25!!!

The average Ukrainian man lives to age 56..Americans Age 73....so the ladies will tend to date ten years their senior. They view older man as more stable and ready to settle down with a family. This country is in desperate situations, women are worked harder then men and paid less. On top of the career and education they are expected to keep the home and raise the children. Children are expected to take the household early as both parents must work.. They mature faster than their Western counterparts. These women are intelligent, attractive and take care of themselves. Few smoke and they avoid alcohol and men who partake in it. They want a loving, stable and reliable man to share their lives with. Their is a 90 percent success rate with western marriages...compare that with 50% in America. Educate yourself....use reputable agencies....be careful and wary of the scams out there. DO NOT SEND MONEY except for the initial translations. Remember how far a dollar goes there. Read the forum...ask questions and get answers from those of us who have been there. Avoid Lugansk agencies. There are sincere ladies from Lugansk...but the scam artists have given that city a black eye. Getting burned really hurts....not only the embarrassment of having sent money.....but I loved this woman. The person in my correspondence played off my dreams and created the illusion of having found my soul mate....yet they didnt take money twice when I offered....They are good, you can be fooled. Cover yourself. I wish you luck if you try to find one of these ladies. If you do find a true keeper...treat her well and give her a good life, she will do the same for you.


PAGE TWO OF OCTOBER/NOVEMBER '00 LETTERS

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