|"Hey girl would you like some wine? What's your name? Are you by yourself? Are you the one? What's your sign? Can I take you home???"|
The Internet's Players
Who Are You Really Talking To
What Do they Really Want?
It's amazing. You go to a chatroom or IRC for the first time and there are people there! Talking, laughing, joking around, playing wavs and even "painting" pictures with ASCII art. At first you're hesitant. Learning the program, just watching the conversations. Sooner or later, you're ready to start talking to them.You don't know them either...
It's easy to assume that this entire medium is safe. Harmless even. After all, you're in the safety of your home or office. They don't know you, they don't know where you are. You can be anyone you want! You can even design a new persona.
The fact is, while many people are very serious about meeting others on the internet for the purpose of establishing a meaningful relationship, others just aren't. How do you know? Sincere people don't put on an act, insincere people do.
Who's seriously there to meet others and who isn't? By following the basic tips Covered Here, you can often get a feel by just calling them (or not getting their number or real e-mail address after time) of whether or not they're for real, but here are some other ways you can tell.
- When They're Just Playing - After you've chatted for what seems like a respectable amount of time - clearly you feel it's time to proceed to a phone call. They don't. That's a Red Flag. If they're only ever content to chat online and not on the phone, they're probably not for real. The extent of their involvement with you will likely always ever be limited to what they're able to get away with from their home or office computer. Who's there that might answer the phone? What will you hear when they do answer the phone? Ask yourself this one question: Is there any reason that they shouldn't want to chat on the phone with you? If the answer is no - and you're not being unreasonable (i.e. pushing for a phone call after just one or two chats), then there's something amiss. Make it very clear, if they're not able to talk on the phone with you, then you're moving on as they're not serious. Let them protest on line all they want. If they can't take it any farther than online, they're not for real. Move on.
- When They're Married - Some of the "hottest" chatters I've ever seen are married. It seems that they either feel unappreciated or unattractive in their marriages, but boy oh boy are they the belle of the ball online. They are overly flirtatious, flattering, and seem to demand a great deal of attention. They have incredibly "hot" handles. They get most of their attention from the men, who almost clamor for their recognition. The things they will do in chat rooms are, at times, shocking. But they will never meet you. They may entertain phone calls when their spouses are away, but challenge them to tell you just one person they've ever met in real life. Uh uh.. they can't do it. Best advice: Steer clear of these people. Men or Women, they seem to act the same. Men are overly flattering and complimentary, women too hot to handle it seems. If you aren't getting a real e-mail address from them after several anonymous e-mail addressed letters and chats, challenge them for the real deal. Ask them point blank if they're married. If you really start to fall and fall hard for someone who was overly affectionate almost immediately - invest a bit in a background check. I have a couple of services offered here. You'll find out a lot about them, but most importantly, you'll find out if they're married or whether or not they've actually ever filed for that divorce they keep promising you is pending. That's public record stuff. As an aside, there is a very small percentage - real small - of men and women who go on line for the purpose of fantasizing and having hot and sexy discussions. They just don't do it in matching/singles sites, they do it in adult sites - and that's the difference.
- When They're Minors - Nothing strikes fear in most people faster than consciously breaking the law. Think a speeding ticket's bad? Try finding out you've just engaged in a little "harmless cyber" with a minor. He or she was "all that" - saying, doing, promising some of the most amazing things! Ask yourself this question: Did it seem, almost, that at times, they couldn't think of just the right way to say something suggestive? Were they almost crude in their references to anatomy? Were there constant misspellings? Were they way off on sizes? Then ask yourself something else? Would an experienced adult have known the things that this person seemed clueless about? Minors just don't have a lot of sexual experiences in real life - they can't effectively relate online what they have no real experience with. So they guess. They make it up as they go along. If this has happened, or you think it's about to. BAIL! Get away from that person. If the first thing they ask when they enter a chatroom is "how old r u?" or "is everybody here in school?" you've got a pretty good idea they're minors. If you have even an ounce of doubt, that's an ounce too much. Trust your instincts and do not allow yourself to be mislead by utter transparencies. People will say just exactly what they think you want to hear. Ask them how they voted in elections. If they didn't vote - and for most adults, they do have strong political beliefs whether they voted or not, discuss some of their political views. No views? That's because they're blissfully unaware.. most kids are. Move On!
- Con Artists, Scammers and Other Predators - Throughout this site, are the constant references to "predators". What is a predator as it relates to the net? A predator is someone who seeks a certain type of prey. Lonely, employed, not too many friends or relatives, they are ripe for the plucking and pluck they will. NEVER TELL ANYONE HOW MUCH YOU EARN!. People who are aware of what certain occupations pay, would never ask. People who want to know if you can afford to support them will. People who intend to defraud you of money, take advantage of you, or get you to "help them out of a bind" will first determine if you are even financially worthwhile to them. THEY WILL NEVER WASTE THEIR TIME WITH YOU IF YOU AREN'T. You don't have to claim poverty, but you don't ever brag about your income or finances either. If you meet someone who is genuine, and tells you about some problems they are having financially, go ahead and offer assistance. Test this theory: People you've never met, with any morals or values at all will never accept assistance from a stranger. If you offer someone who relates a few problems to you some assistance, if they are truly genuine and sincere, they will thank you for and appreciate that you cared enough to offer, but they will politely decline your offer. That's just the way it is. If they pounce on the offer ask yourself how many other people made similar offers and what's the total "take" to date? Uh uh.. move on. Serious issues here. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated. Even if you've chatted for a few times, or you've met in person once or twice, chances are if they hit you up for money, or manage to get you to extend an offer of assistance within a few chats or meetings, you're being set up for the "hit". You will never see them again after you give them money. You will hear from them from time to time, keeping in touch with you is their best defense against criminal prosecution. If you can't absorb the loss, don't do it. They aren't sincere about you, but they are sincerely interested in your money. Walk on by.
Now, having said all of the above, you have some of the strongest guidelines and precautions I could possibly think of. The "Players" aren't going to appreciate me too much for any of this. That's just fine with me.
As always, be careful, be safe - take good care of yourself. Wild.