letters
FROM READERS - SEPTEMBER '00

Jerry the Webmaster

"Jerry the Webmaster" is in the military service. I used to work under his chain of command many years ago. However, we always had a professional work relationship and no personal relationship at all.

After he was transferred to another base, he would occasionally write or call me. Since I always reacted in a professional manner with my responses via the letter or telephone, I certainly did not lead him on and he would stop communication. After a couple of years, he would try to communicate again, but would continue to receive the same professional responses from me.

This past Christmas, I decided to send Christmas greetings to him via e-mail. (I knew which base he was stationed at and was able to get his e-mail address.) He was quite surprised that I had contacted him after all of these years. He responded and we started to send daily e-mails to each other. At first, it was nice to have a new friend. However, I should have noticed the red flags after the first week of e-mails. (I wish I had read the list of red flags before I ever continued e-mailing him!)

I even started having negative dreams/nightmares about him! (I had never dreamed of anyone so frequently in such a short time!) To make a long story short, we continued to e-mail each other on a daily basis for two and a half months. Despite my negative dreams/nightmares (I was ignoring my intuition!), I kept the e-mail relationship because of his charm and his concern for me. . But on the other hand, he continued to be secretive/evasive, was inconsistent with his facts (stated one thing one and changing it to something else the next day) ,was controlling and critical of my comments, but yet professed so much love so soon with so such romantic rhetoric ! I fell for his lure because I truly believed him! After all he wasn't a stranger since I knew the man and had worked for him for three years.

I finally saw the light when he one day e-mailed me about a female "friend" that was close to him. What he wrote about the relationship with her was EXACTLY what he had been writing about our relationship! That is when I realized that he was doing the same number to at least two of us, if not more! I ended the e-mail relationship by clicking the Send Blocker icon when returning his last e-mails. However, my only concern is that he is probably luring more than just two women. I am also concerned about him luring young girls since he always spoke about liking children. (He has twenty year old daughter from a previous marriage.) Is there any way to warn people of "Jerry the Webmaster?" (I appreciate the opportunity to vent my story and hope that it can prevent someone else from having an experience with "Jerry the Webmaster." After reading the other stories, I realize that I am not the only that has experienced an e-mail relationship that is similar to the one I had with "Jerry the Webmaster." )

Wild's Reply - Unfortunately there is so much legal liability that one exposes themselves to when posting pictures or real information, without criminal convictions or other evidence to back it up, most site owners won't take the risk. I happen to be one of those who can't. I'm not a company, or a corporation. I can't afford it. But hopefully, just by posting your story, people will see some similarities and will ask themselves the right questions. Thanks for your note.


Some Useful Suggestions

I have been relatively lucky on the web, mostly by following my instincts and sales training. I have a few rules and some great reading suggestions. I have had a couple of bad experiences, but nothing life threatening, thank god...but I have learned to be more careful. Here are some of my rules.

1. Listen for internal inconsistencies in stories. It is difficult to sustain a lie very well.

2. Listen for stories that work too well. Nobody can completely explain why they did anything. If something sounds too well thought out, it probably is well thought out.

3. Set your browser to HTML and Text both. If the emails are being forwarded to someone else, this is one way that typically flushes them out. Generally, a list of recipients who cannot accept HTML will come up. Make sure that you are comfortable with what you have written being forwarded.

4. Listen very carefully. Most people deny the very things that they are planning to do--in the most vehement way. "Methinks thou doth protest too much" is not just Shakespearian dialogue, it is an excellent gauge of truth.

5. Use recommended books and tapes suggested. They are: Red Flags: how to know if you're dating a loser. Two is: Never Get Lied to Again. Number One is written by some PhDs that profile criminals and it describes actions and statements likely to be associated with problems. I found it invaluable. Two, is a book and tape by a defense attorney ( I may have the book's title incorrectly recorded, but a search at Amazon will reveal several of these types of books). This book tells all the physical and language cues that liars use. I loved it. Take care,

Wild's Reply - What an incredibly bizarre story! How did you manage to have this woman come and visit you, and you go and visit her without your wife finding anything out? If you were separated, why did this woman have your wife's address? I dunno, dude - non-sequitur ya know?


I've been successful!

You wrote: "I have yet to encounter anyone who says "I listened to what you said, I utilized your suggestions, and everything turned out the way you said it would".

Well, I'll say it. I've met about a dozen men through on-line personals, all of them local (within 25 miles). The ones I've met, we exchange a few e-mails, possibly a phone call or two, and then meet somewhere public (restaurant, bookstore cafe) for a meal or drinks.

When one man kept wanting to see me, but cancelled at the last minute too often, and only gave me his cell number, I figured he was hiding something, and kept my emotions in check. I never did figure out what was going on--but it wasn't honesty! AndI didn't keep seeing him, either. I dated one man for 9 months, and it hurt when it ended--but what relationship of that length wouldn't cause some pain when it ends?

The "internet" part of our relationship was nominal--once we met in person, we used e-mail only to share jokes :-). Again--he lived nearby, so it was a "normal" relationship where we just happened to meet via the Internet. When I reached a point when I was "in love", it was with a real person--faults and all. Even when we broke up, there were no surprises--he is exactly what he presented himself as. I think it's really possible to meet some really great people on the internet--even for dating :-), but it _is_ important to follow all the "rules"--and I think the most important ones are to trust your gut, stay local, and don't mistake fantasies for love.


Happy Ending

I sent you a letter last year, about my husband having an affair with a women in New Zealand over the internet. I'm the lady that took his hard drive out and put it in my computer. You published my letter March 02.1999 [net adultry]

It was a hard battle, and the online affair is over. We are getting along great and have for some time. The lady from N.Z. didn't want to let go. I went to her home town over the internet and emailed a bed and breakfast. I asked if they knew her and her husband that I was a friend and had lost their telephone number and address. Guess what? I got a reply. I got her family email address and phone no., I emailed her husband and I told everything. He left her.

What goes around comes around. I was ready to go to N.Z. and kick her butt. I'll tell anyone that is having trouble with a spouse with a online affair. Do not give up, fight for everything it's worth. You have to be one step ahead of them. Check for P.O. boxes, telephone bills, credit card bills, unexpected trips for their company they work for. Outlook Express if you have it, will tell on them. Not everything is deleted. Go to find files and folders and type mail. Open with notepad, excel, etc. you will be surprised what you will find.

Wild's Reply - I can understand the "what goes around, comes around" thinking, and I can appreciate your frustration and anger. What I don't get is why you felt it necessary to involve her family and destroy them. It was personal, it involved you, your husband and this woman. I'll never understand how the husband (or wife) gets off with some mistrust but gets off just the same, while the other part of the tango gets the lion's share of the blame. In this case, you went one better and took her family apart.

There's a real good chance their "fling" would have stayed on the internet. I don't know, I don't cotton to it either way. But I think you went too far and you hurt people that you had no business hurting. He was in no way responsible for what your husband and this woman were doing. I couldn't do that. I couldn't live with myself. That could never feel good to me. Just my thoughts.


Please help! He'll be here in two weeks!

I love your site it's very informative. I need some advice. I have been chatting online with this guy off and on for about a year now, we had lost touch for a number of months except for an occasional e-mail though. We have now been back in touch and chatting online , sending e-mails, pics, and talking on the phone for about 6 weeks now on a daily basis. He is supposed to be coming up here to visit me in about 2 weeks, he lives almost 500 miles away.

He wants to fly, but said he may drive. I have already told him that I would prefer for him to have his own transportation, and that me picking him up from the airport wouldn't be too smart or safe cause it will be our first time meeting in person. He says he understands me wanting to take precautions, but he obviously is used to women being much less cautious that he has met online. Some of the women have actually let him come to their house etc.

My question to you is what would be the safest, most sensible way to arrange this meeting so that the proper precautions are taken, but at the same time I don't want him feeling offended, or that I am ungrateful for him to be coming all this way to see me. Meaning I don't want to act over paranoid, and to the point where we don't have fun cause I'm trying too hard to be cautious.

I know he isn't coming all this way so we can just sit around the airport and talk and that's it, we have to do or go somewhere while he's here. He has never been to my State before, and doesn't have relatives here to visit. He already knows that he must stay at a hotel, and won't be staying at my house. And no I won't be inviting him to my house either.

But I don't think we should get in my car and drive anywhere either, that doesn't seem too safe. I don't know how we should do this thing. I would like for his visit to go smoothly for both of us, but am unsure how this whole thing should be arranged, especially if he flies here and doesn't have transportation. And even if he drives, he doesn't know his way around here. I also live kinda far from the airport, so if he stayed at a hotel near there it would be about an hour drive for me. He plans on staying for about 2 days. what do you think? He is supposed to be coming up here around August 25th. Any advice that you may have would be greatly appreciated.

Wild's Reply - I'm not clear on why you're more concerned with offending him than you are with standing your ground about your feelings. You have asked that he drive. His driving eliminates all of your concerns about how he is to get around, etc. Also, if you drive, you get to be chauffeur. You have to be accessible to him and if things don't work out, you're stuck driving somebody around that you don't like, or that does not like you. If he doesn't know his way around, for a small investment he can buy a GPS unit. If he really doesn't want to drive, he can rent a car that has GPS already. Or he can buy something even cheaper - A Map!

Do not sacrifice your scruples or your piece of mind simply because this man has given you the impression that everybody else picked him up at the airport. Nothing is ickier than the shock of finding a total stranger, and having a horrible time, and then having to drive in silence to the airport. Stand your ground and if he has a problem with it, he has problems in general.


Con Man Conners

I am 43 female and recently went through the devestation of the ending of a long term marriage. Like many , I sought safe solace with faceless hearts over the net. My story could have had a far worse out-come had it not been for some study on behaviour etc., and the trauma of the past two years.

I received a response from a posting I had put on the net, I included a photo. A man by the name of "Bob Conners" sent to me on new years eve, I was amazed firstly that any-one in the world would not be celebrating such a momentous occassion, but, yes here he was Hi I said, hi and so it goes.

We started chatting via e-mail, never ICQ. He was educated, articulate, knew much about history, world events and the after life, there was nothing we did not talk about. I mentioned I had been to the States and would love to go again soon and he asked when, I said when I felt well enough and I had a financial settlement

He was interested in making a friend or what-ever and I suited his idea of "civilised, articulate and attractive. We could have fun together and join forces in getting on with our lives.

I had decided two weeks in New York would give me space and at the same time sharing a corporate apartment with such an interesting person would be ideal. From the minute I arrived he wanted to take me shopping. When I said I hated shopping he became agitated. I became aware something was wrong so shopping we went. He stood back after putting his books on the counter I then placed mine there. He stood back as I paid. Almost screaming he asked why I did not use my credit card !!! I calmly told him I used cash at the advice of my solicitors back home, citing fraud etc as the reason ( true reason I instinctly KNEW not to trust him). He was furious - there ended our "shopping trip". He shed "skin" like a snake !! Yes, shed "skin"! It sickened me to walk on it with bare feet. He told me he had a "skin condition" no title given to this condition. Well, I never saw him undressed, partly undressed, or towelled. Now I am not an unattractive woman, what was wrong here ?? he asked, not told me "never, ever, touch his body unless he said so ??? HUH ??? is he crazy ?? YES!

I started telling people I was aware of a potential problem with my host. I alerted security at the front desk, asked for and was given the direct phone number to the desk. I told people where I was going and all those security things a smart person will do to minimise any risk to them. I was not embarrassed to say I did not know him except over the internet. This enraged "Bob" when he heard I told people that; he screamed, ranted and raved.

Remember readers, I have been through REAL TRAUMA so this little sociopath was a walk in the park !! I apologised, talking gently, bowing in deference to him. I had worked him out. He told me chilling things in the voice of an innocent damaged child , he was effective. I could not leave. He told me he had done "evil" things, he told me, no, confessed to me he felt guilt. He told me he "knew" he was going to die a violent death and that he deserved it. I told him I had vision of the unspoken word he said he knew meaning I knew what he did not tell me. He had night terrors, we talked about them. He said he was haunted.

Back to the "shedding of skin" this man would change his body size.......YES , used a silicon or rubber clear skin like textured attachments such as used in movies to change the appearance! He had a "beer gut" one day - remember he never had anything visible except his hands and face in fact slept fully clothed, sleeves buttoned, shoes or boots on, top button done up, belt still on - .get real, I woke him one night as he had left his door open and unlocked. I awoke him to ask if he was ok and he went beserk! What are you doing waking me , I need sleep, etc.etc etc. then he went quiet......silence.... I spoke softly, appologetically.

I told him I was worried he was uncomfortable being fully dressed, would he like me to remove his boots at least? Once again he roared DONT EVER touch me! HUH again this is insane. So me being me, I touched his arm - what a shock !!! he felt like the michelen man; all inflated, odd. I said nothing and showed nothing but he KNEW

Next, I made a point of saying it was odd that he locked his bedroom door. He told me softly he did it because he was afraid of me !!! I weigh less than a hound dog, have no physical strength at all and am totally non aggressive physically. He said I was agressive I was stunned.

Next day out of no where here walked up to me and quietly told me he locked himself away so as not to hurt me. I made some distance between us all the while telling him he was very good to remove him self that it showed excellent control. Once the bench was between us and the knife holder at my fingertips I challenged him. WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO HURT ME IN THE FIRST PLACE ?? The pure innocent look on his face as he replied scared me and has still not left my concious mind " because you are not what I expected" I can hear some of you thinking perhaps I mis-represented my self or something....let me assure you I am an ideal house guest, I know how and when to give my host space, privacy and attention. I am well travelled, interesting..etc. so, what did he not expect ?? let me list them.

1: I used cash

2: I had a lover who made constant contact with me whilst there

3: I told people where I was staying and with whom

4: I told him what I was doing ie: telling security people and police when I was going out etc

5: I was independent

6: I would not give him reason to lash out at me he started wearing his hat in the unit as soon as I commented on his hair

Readers, the man I described did other things and told me exactly when I should "run" and I did.

I waited around no longer. After all he all but confessed to killing a women and most certainly confessed out right to ripping her off shortly before her death......what ??? yes, except he used a "third person persona " to present his confession to me. He knew my goodness was stronger than his evil. I got out safely due to my instincts and honesty. He was almost hypnotic to me.

I was drawn to him or should I say his "child" side nature which screams still for salvation this he also let me "know

I feel most will say this is bizarre and I must be a "nutter" I dont care as I know out there are other women who have come across him as will others if he is not stopped.

The New York City F.B.I. have been alerted to him as have the New York major Fraud squad this is one ill and dangerous man. the name he uses for the "sister" women he ripped off and possibly worse is "Laurrie"...whilst I doubt any of the names are real he may have used the same so as not to get confussed If you have come across this man, shedding his plastic, silicon skin around contact the above law enforcement and lets get rid of these frauds so us genuine people can enjoy this new and exciting tool called the internet.

I would be most interested in getting a group of people together and to approach a television staion in America about opening up these people and experiences. We CAN stop them. Anyone else interested ??? Wishing all readers Love Peace and Happiness.

Wild's Reply - The whole time I was reading this, I kept asking myself why the hell I was considering publishing it. It has to be the most bizarre, self-centered work of fiction I have ever read. And ultimately I decided this: If it wasn't fiction, and there really is some guy out there like that, then on it's merits alone, it deserved to be published. But I gotta believe that this guy and all his quirks and eccentricities would have surfaced before this. Then there was my other thought. You write in a style that makes you sound like both Khan from Star Trek (the superior intellect and instincts thing) and like that arrogant doctor who wanted to take all the credit for finding the HIV virus (although the French discovered it first). I don't know why you stayed past the first experience when he had a cow over your not using a credit card to buy his books. No, I'll go one better, I don't know why you didn't bail when he became agitated over your general disdain for shopping. And then he expected you to pay for his books? This guy tells you over and over don't touch him, and he is shedding rubber cement and changing his body, yet you go into his room and wake him up and touch him? I'm not sure who has more problems, you or he - and I'm not sure I want to. Ultimately though, my feeling is either he is out there, or you are, and either one is strange enough to make this letter post-worthy. Damn!!


PAGE TWO OF SEPTEMBER '00 LETTERS

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