The Real Story
Updated August 10, 1998


August 10, 1998 - About a year ago my husband was emailing women online, and their were alot of signs of cheating that I'm not sure about, but he denies he ever did. 4 months later I got pregnant, that's when the phone calls started. At first a lot of hang ups. (my husband said they were probably wrong numbers). Then they would say things like "you stupid b----". Then they would just hold the phone(no back ground noises, ever). Sometime I would hang up then pick back up and they would still be there. Once the calls came one right after another when I had threatened to have a trace put on my phone. Then my husband called home from work one day wanting to know if I had gotton any phone calls. He asked me who, and what was said before he would say what as going on(I was evasive, tring to see if I could catch him up to something) . Then he said he had gotton a phone call at work from a female asking if he remembered her, and telling him he knew who she was. He said he had no idea.(My husband works in the military, and it is very hard to get duty phone #'s.) We continued to get the hang up phone calls and changed our number. They stopped for a while then recently started again. Now they've stopped again. Am I paranoid, or is it really posible my husband was having an affair and she was the one harrassing me? This kinda scares me since my baby and I are alone a lot due to him working 3 jobs (by his choice, he refuses to quit even if I worked.) What do you think?

Wild's Reply - I think your main problem here is your husband. He seems to give not only his work number out, but his home number, and rather indiscriminately at that. He has placed you at risk by his obvious online relationships and then lets you know in every way possible that he's doing just that. Calling you to ask you if you've gotten any phone calls, telling you about phone calls he's getting. How sick! I won't ask why you enable him to do these things to you, but from an outside, objective viewpoint, what he's doing to you is far worse than any of his net lovers and their harassing phone calls. I don't think you're paranoid, I think your husband is a jerk.

August 10, 1998 - August 03, 1998 - Hi, I found your site, and thought it might be a good idea to share my story with you and anyone else who cares to read it. I was in an online relationship with someone for about 6 months, until it got too intense. He was planning on moving to be with me, and "rescuing" me from my husband. I finally got up the courage to tell him it was over, that I did not want any kind of involvement with him. That was when my trouble started. He sat in the chat room that we used to meet in, threatening suicide. I didn't hear much from him after that, and luckily for me, I moved to another state. Then I started receiving threatening emails from him, not too many, but enough to worry me. For a while I didn't do anything, hoping he would get it out of his system and leave me alone. I was wrong. The last straw for me was when he sent me mail a few days before Mothers day, telling me he was coming to where I live, and would have no problems finding me, he also threatened my life. Well, I had had enough. I got in contact with his local police, who had dealt with him when he made his suicide threat. I gave them a copy of his email, and they sent him mail telling him what the consequences would be if he continued. I have not heard a word from him since, though I know he is still out there online. Hopefully he has learned his lesson, but I somehow doubt it...

Wild's Comment - The way I see it, you gave him life then took life away. He seems to believe he was actually owed something from you. See.. he's a leech. Nothing more than that really. He figured his days of preying on lonely people on the net would be over - for awhile - while he could live off of and leech off of you. But you broke off with him and his fantasy went bye-bye. So in anger he started to threaten and torment you. Neat huh? Pay attention to this story folks. This is the very kind of thing I'm talking about and it happens A LOT! I know of people who this has happened to, and I even know someone who does it.

June 22, 1998 - I was new to chat..I chatted from work...I met this guy seemed really nice..He started out getting on line on weekends...then through the week...and when I got my home pc...He was always on line eveytime I got on...I didn't know how a buddy system worked...and was intriged..He would pm me when I got on he was the only one I chatted with...He was on so much..He got to know my whole schedule...when I left long it took me to get me getting on line to see is he was on.....Finally I started catching on...was asking personal questions..I found out later...he had done this to other woman also....only had threatend one....

Wild's Reply - How Unsettling! It sounds as if this person was obsessed and quite possibly could have posed a danger to you. You didn't say how it ended, but I hope you are safe. Wild

July 15, 1998 - I was with a man who was, and no doubt still physically/mentally abusive, for about 2yrs.. He threatened my life upon learning of my wanting no part of him. It has been some time later now, and he has once again (even though I have relocated) FOUND ME. I want to put out a warning to any young person out there who is in any type of danger, tell your parents, a friend, the authorities, anyone who will listen. Don't let a jerk, freak, psycho, whatever you want to call it run your life as this man has done to me.

May 24, 1998 - could you advise me please how to handle getting someone to let you alone after you were foolish enough to admit your real address?

Yes, I know it was dumb, yes, I am very sorry. i think this guy is obsessed and I don't want to trigger anything by ticking him off.

Please tell my how to properly phrase "don't contact me every again" so that it's not something that will trigger something dangerous from him.

Wild's Reply - Getting a stalker to leave you alone can be very, VERY, tricky. The problem is, they don't think like rational people. They often believe their attention is something you want, and if they are persistent enough, eventually their efforts will pay off. They don't see that what they are doing frightens you. Often, notifying the phone company that you are being harassed will be enough, along with filing a police report, to get traces. Since you didn't say whether or not this person has your telephone number, that may not be applicable. But chances are, if your number is listed, any reverse lookup on the net will get them your number. Now this person has your address.. That is frightening. Always having to look over your shoulder, any sound can be enough to send you out of your skin. I'm not an expert here - I don't want to give you advice that can be harmful, but at the same time, I know that often the police don't really listen to people who are meeting others on the net - but they should. I would suggest that you contact the police - be honest with them, knowing you may well subject yourself to their scrutiny, but what choice do you have? Take all steps necessary to protect yourself, and tell this person that you find their attention to be unwanted and to leave you alone. Block out this person from your phone if possible, change your telephone number if necessary. Tell them that you have already contacted the police, and that you will stop at nothing to ensure your safety. Chances are, if this person is truly a stalker, they will persist and police intervention will be required. Above all else, be strong, confident and assured! DO NOT TALK TO THEM BECAUSE YOU ARE AFRAID!!. Do not carry on telephone conversations out of fear that hanging up will trigger something. If something's going to be triggered, it'll happen sooner or later, telling someone in a short, curt and disinterested manner to not contact you again and be done with it may just be enough. Do not reply to e-mail, do not speak with them in chat rooms. Readers?

Hi. I had a scary encounter with someone I met. I don't think I met him from a chat room, but I hope not anyway if I did. I think that chat rooms are worse than single sites, but single sites are no better because someone can still be a fraud there too. Anyway, I met this guy and he seemed nice, but as we wrote to each other more and more, he grew weirder and weirder. He started talking about his cult family and I then decided not to write him anymore because he plain scared me with his weirdness. But he *really* scared me when he e-mailed me an attachment and the attachment was a map of where I told him I lived. Please guys or gals, NEVER EVER give your address to ANYBODY at all until, I say, you have known, or at least "known" them for at least half a year! Now that was a couple of years ago, and I still see people after after meeting them on the Internet if *I* feel comfortable to do so, and always meet them in a public place, but I still rarely give ANYONE my address. Please be careful. Peace.

I just read one of the stories on your web sight regarding stalking. I had something similiar happen to me, but didn't end up so drastic thankfully. I met a gentlemen (so I thought) on the internet, we eventually exchanged numbers. We had numerous phone conversations with each other, I felt pretty comfortable with it all. We planned a date for dinner. I did not however let him know where I lived but agreed to meet him at the resturant. We had dinner, it was ok, no fireworks, not on my part anyhow. We then parted and went on our own way. Over the next few days, I left to go out of town. When I returned there were numberous messages from him on my voicemail. The first few were ok, and I even considered calling him back just to be curtious. Then I was on the phone talking long distance when he kept beeping in on my call waiting. (I also have caller ID) Since I was talking long distance, I wasn't going to take any calls. During my call, which consisted of a 1/2 hour, he had called 12 times. When I was finished, I started listening to the messages. They were to say the least sick. Calling me names, saying that he was pissed, that a no call back would not work, he insisted on a call back, and finally the last message he did calm down and say that he would not bother me again. So far I have not heard from him again, but I did however have my number changed and unlisted just in case. He had me scared to death. Even though I knew he didnt know where I lived or even my last name, I was terrified. You can never stress enough how careful people should be when meeting people either through the net or just a personal add...I have sure learned my lesson.

Thanks for listening, and keep up the info on your page, maybe someone will learn ahead of time and not have to go through what some of us already have. Thanks again.

Wilds Reply: Thank you for sending your story - stalking can take many forms - and it is enough to terrify you! Changing your number was the right thing to do. Too often we are told we might just upset the stalker even more. It's a chance we have to take to protet ourselves. You did the right thing - your story serves as an additional warning to everybody to BE CAREFUL!!

"Megan" - My name is Megan. I corresponded with a man who said he was an attorney. He gave me his address, phone number and work number. After a while, he revealed more of himself that I ever need to know. He was angry and bitter towards women, and I decided I wanted to end the e-mail relationship. Well, he began an on-line stalking venture. He traced me through a relative's web site and even called my Pastor, trying to find out personal information about me. I evenutally did some investigating of him. As it turned out, he was not an attorney but worked for an attorney and was using the attorney's name, address and telephone numbers to 'impress' women. I found out who he really was using a service that takes a phone number and traces it to its owner. Also, I called the American Bar Association and the lawyer's office. Instead of being 'Shawn,' the attorney, he was 'Joe,' an employee. I emailed him with what I had learned. He finally stopped harrassing me, at least under that screen name or handle. I suppose only the fear of losing his job stopped him. I would not be surprised if he doesn't try to contact me under another name, and I do consider him a dangerous person because of threats he made. I have reported him to Smart Date, a dating registration service. If any foul play ever happens to me, he will be the first person on the list for the police to seek.

Wild's Reply Megan.. this is EXACTLY the type of thing I am hoping this site will open others eyes to.. Tragically, these kinds of stories are the kinds I hear so often. I also want to thank you for providing the resource of "SmartDate".

Copyright 1998 Wildxangel - All Rights Reserved